Thinking Out Loud - the Adolescence Effect

Last night we held the second of our Thinking Out Loud sessions.

They are a unique forum to discuss the big issues and challenges facing schools today.

The first one was on AI, schools and what makes us human.

Last night’s, with a capacity audience, was on the many issues highlighted by the Netflix drama everyone is talking about, Adolescence.

Host Ian Gilbert was joined by Associates Nina Jackson, Roy Leighton and Andrew ‘Bernie’ Bernard (for whom this topic is tragically personal). We were also joined by our friend, TV’s parenting expert, Sue Atkins.

As you can imagine with a topic that is as controversial as it is complex, the conversation was wide-ranging.

It examined the role of schools, of parents, of social media, of boys themselves and, of course, the effect on women and girls.

There are no quick fixes but certain themes came through that schools, parents and young people can consider as we work together to address the issues of toxic masculinity, misogyny, abusive control, violence against women and girls and the role that social media and wider society plays in this.

Here are some highlights from the conversations along with relevant questions for all schools to consider.

Understanding

For many adults, the ideas and practices portrayed in Adolescence came as a surprise.

Who knew what was going on with those innocent-looking emojis for example? (The Telegraph reveals all here).

And how the algorithm works on platforms such as Instagram (in episode three, Jamie’s father describes how by searching for posts related to the gym, he then received messages around toxic masculinity. More on Bernie’s guide for parents here.)

And whether, as Nina pointed out, our children are taking themselves off to the Dark Web and other particularly invidious corners of the Internet?

It is vital to ensure, as adults responsible for safeguarding either at school or at home, that we understand the world in which young people are finding themselves.

As Associate and ICT expert Mark Anderson put it in an email to us on the topic,

"We’re all responsible for safeguarding and so if our safeguarding/behaviour issue spidey senses are tingling, there’s often a reason why and we sometimes might not see something that’s right in front of our eyes."

Q1. What ongoing support is given to staff and parents to help them understand what is happening ‘out there’ and what their children are exposed to?

Openness

There are difficult conversations to have here but we need to step up and have them.

If we aren’t communicating with young people, someone else will be.

As parents, we can have these conversations in the car or out for a walk. Not intense ‘elbows on the table’ ones as Bernie describes them.

Linked to that, where are the males in our schools talking about such issues?

Bernie highlighted how much PSHE teaching is delivered by women and how we need a 50:50 balance in such matters.

Q2. What are the opportunities in your school for everyone – young and old – to have frank, open and honest conversations about important topics? And support parents in doing the same (Sue's resources on the topic can be found here)

Role Models

Overlapping with the above is the idea of role models for young males to look up to.

Part of Incel (Involuntary Celibate) culture revolves around stereotypical and outdated ideals about how a ‘real man’ looks, behaves, dresses and presents himself (‘peacocking’ to use Bernie’s phrase).

Of the three types of male (in their narrow world view), at the top are the 'Alphas' (also known as 'Chads' or 'Sigmas').

According to this excellent paper on the topic, The Rage of the Lonely Man, they are,

"the epitome of masculinity and high social status, are tall, and have sophisticated facial features. They are what (all) women want."

Below them are the ‘normies’. Average and varied but still ‘sex-getters’.

And, at the bottom of the heap, are the Incels – and they’re not happy about it.

Men and women, family structures, achievements and possessions – the more we can present children and young people with a view of world that is wide, rich (in its true sense) and imperfect, the more we can steer them clear of falling for the lie of what a ‘perfect man’ should be like.

And start young.

Here, Associate Ian Timbrell has put together a list of wonderfully diverse books for children.

Q3. Who are the role models presented through the curriculum and beyond, how are societal ‘norms’ represented and what is being done to present a wider, more varied view of what it is to be a successful, loving and loved human in the 21st century?

Critical Thinking

In a chaotic world, we all crave certainty.

Impressionable young males are no different except that, in the ‘manosphere’, what is put forward as science, truth (the red pill) and ‘the way it is’, is biased, ignorant, incomplete and, as we know, dangerous.

The more we can teach young people to question what they are hearing, the more we equip them with the skills to think for themselves.

To see dangerous BS for what it is and to call it out.

A great starting point is The Five Saids – six simple questions to interrogate the messages they are receiving.

Q4. What tools are you giving children and young people to be able to think critically about the messages they are receiving and to help them understand how things really are?

Social and Emotional Learning

While Michael Gove was taking critical thinking off the curriculum, his henchman Nick Gibb was gutting our schools of Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning (SEAL), something he saw as ‘ghastly’.

Roy’s work in schools across the country is all about equipping young people with the softer skills to deal with challenge and conflict.

For example, one simple tool he advocates in both primary and secondary settings is the ‘check-in, check-up, check-out’ process.

Sitting in a circle, the entire school community has the opportunity to check in on a Monday morning – how was your weekend, how are you feeling, anything worrying you, what are you looking forward to this week? – check up mid-week – how’s it going, any people you’d like to thank, any people whose behaviour you’d like to discuss, any areas for particular improvement or development? – and then check out at the end of the week – how was your week, what are the highlights, when did you really excel, any things you’d do differently, anyone you’d like to acknowledge or thank etc etc..?

In this way, every member of the school community hears and is heard.

Everyone is treated as a human with thoughts and feelings, things to be concerned about and things to be excited about, conflicts to address and relationships to celebrate.

Everyone is part of a community on a shared journey.

A far cry from the school portrayed in Adolescence and described by DI Bascombe as a 'holding pen'.

Thinking in terms of on our feelings – the ‘unseen’ as Roy called it – means we can also ensure we are teaching emotional regulation.

Although, with regard to anger, Bernie made the point that abusive people don’t see it as an emotion as much as a weapon.

Q5. To what extent are the so-called ‘soft skills’ being developed in all young people in your school so that everyone can learn how to feel heard, listened to and valued as a human being? And help others feel the same?

Misogyny and Toxic Masculinity

Both Roy and Bernie pointed out that many of the issues covered in Adolescence are not new.

The role of women, the attitude of men, the behaviour of confused adolescent youngsters – these have all been around for years.

What has changed is that misogyny has been ‘weaponised’ and then spread through powerful online channels (including gaming).

Feminism has ‘gone too far’ and women should not just know their place (‘bare foot and pregnant’) they are also responsible for all that is wrong with society.

To make matters worse, feminism has led to a situation where a certain type of man will not end up mating with the ‘right sort of woman’ (the supposed 80:20 rule where 80% of women only go for 20% of men, as symbolised by the ‘100%’ emoji).

According to the research mentioned above, rather than trying to change what they perceive as an inequity in society, the response of certain males is to force themselves into that 20% – and take vengeance upon the females who then spurn them.

Q6. What are you teaching in school about equality, equity and equal rights and opportunities? Also, what does the make up of your school body represent in terms of male and female rights, responsibilities and expectations?

Parenting

‘What did we do that was wrong? We didn’t know it was wrong?’

So sang The Beatles in She’s Leaving Home, a poignant account of parents taken by surprise by the sudden departure of their daughter, running off with ‘a man from the motor trade’.

Even after, ‘We gave her everything money can by.’

It’s a song that comes to mind watching the powerful scene in episode four of Adolescence in which Jamie’s parents come to terms with their part in what had happened (in his bedroom, surrounded by all the technological paraphernalia they had bought him).

It's the point at which the father's denial finally catches up with him and, with the help of his wife, he realises that they could have done more.

There is only so much that schools can do and it is essential that parents and guardians step up.

(Again, download Bernie’s Ten Tips for Parents here). 

This is where Sue’s work comes in, supporting parents to know what to look for, what to do and how to have the right sorts of conversations with their children at the right time in the right way. Her latest book, Navigating the Digital Jungle, includes scripts that parents can use as they navigate the tricky task of talking to their children about such charged topics.

Sue also highlighted the importance of reaching those ‘hard-to-reach’ parents too and Bernie talked about workshops he had delivered in school with students, teachers and parents in the audience as well as parents joining remotely.

Q7. What are you doing in your school to work in partnership with parents on this topic, to help them understand the issues and what, together, you can do? And involve young people in these discussions too?

The Impact on Girls

Katie Leonard was fridged.

‘Fridging’ is a cinema trope in which an important character – often a wife or mother – is dead before the action begins.

Although the character influences all that goes on, she never speaks and has no personality beyond what is portrayed though the eyes of others.

It's important we don't forget the victim in all of this.

In the words of a comment posted by one of the delegates last night:

"I’m concerned that in so many of the recent conversations around Adolescence, there has been almost no mention of girls and young women. It’s as if misogyny has only started to be taken seriously because of the impact on boys and young men - which is itself misogynistic."

It’s a very important point and, as Bernie posted in his reply,

Male Violence is a men’s issue that manifests as a women and girls’ problem.

He is an advocate of teaching girls the signs of controlling behaviour and abuse and what to do if they feel they are being targeted.

The Prime Minster’s idea of showing Adolescence in every school was met with the sort of response you’d expect from educators who know that putting a video on and hoping for the best is the worst form of teaching (unless it’s the last day of term and the video is Frozen).

The irony was not lost that such an approach to teaching was actually called out in the programme by DI Bascombe on his visit to the school.

The impact on girls of what is shown in the programme needs to be considered along with what happened to Katie and also the portrayal of female characters too (the sister, the wife, the more junior detective, the eager-to-please but bumbling lower school teacher, the angry girl of colour…)

Q8. How best could in-school sessions include the girls? What are we teaching them about navigating relationships in this environment? What messages are they receiving about who to trust and who not to trust? Where can they turn for help and support?

Empathy

Empathy. Sympathy with imagination.

An overriding message from last night was the need to teach empathy and kindness in our schools.

In a world that can be hostile, self-centred, fixated on status and ego-driven, it is important that we do not lose sight of our basic human need to be kind and treated with kindness, to seek to understand and be understood, to listen and be listened to.

Promoting an acceptable, more gentle form of masculinity as we do.

All good educators know they can make a difference there.

Q9. What are schools doing to build relationships that model empathy and understanding? How are they working with parents and guardians in the endeavour?

A drama such as Adolescence has managed to shed a light on an issue that was hiding in plain sight for many years.

It has also created a momentum to address the issues it exposes and work, together, to address them.

For more information about how we can help in this endeavour, please call us 01267 211432 or email us for a free no-obligation chat about how Bernie can work with your school or organisation on this important topic. [ITL]