Grieving Allowed

Following the tragic death of Associate Claire Lomas, her family asked for letters to be sent to her two teenage daughters with memories of their mother.

As we put this letter together, it made us reflect on what children go through at such an awful time and our own lived experience of sudden loss.

Knowing how disconcerting bereavement is, we put together this 'permission slip' for grieving children and young people everywhere.

Grieving Allowed

You’ve lost someone you love.

You’re allowed to be sad.

You’re allowed to be angry.

You’re allowed to cry.

You’re allowed to shout.

You’re allowed to sleep.

You’re allowed to stay awake.

You’re allowed to go to school.

You’re allowed to not go to school (for a while).

You’re allowed to be with your friends.

You’re allowed to be alone.

You’re allowed to feel empty.

You’re allowed to feel like you’ll burst.

You’re allowed to talk about things.

You’re allowed to remain silent.

You’re allowed to have regrets.

You’re allowed to feel relieved.

You’re allowed to ask what if?

You’re allowed to ask why us?

You’re allowed to think about the future.

You’re allowed to not think about the future.

You’re allowed to be scared.

You’re allowed to be defiant.

You’re allowed to act your age.

You’re allowed to act like you’re older. Or younger.

You’re allowed to be happy, to smile, to laugh even.

You’re allowed to forget, just for a while at first.

You’re allowed to be yourself, to live your life, to be ‘normal’.

You’re allowed to know there is no more normal and for that to hurt.

You’re allowed to hurt, very much.

You’re allowed to keep going despite the hurt.

You’re allowed to wake up one day and hurt less, just a bit.

You’re allowed to hurt worst of all on your birthday, at Christmas, on their birthday, on the anniversary of the day you lost them.

You’re allowed to hurt on random days for no reason.

You’re allowed to grieve the person you lost every day of your life.

You’re allowed to live your life, embrace your future and be happy.

You’re allowed to be happy and sad at the same time.

It's OK. You're allowed.

You've lost someone you love.

For more ways to explore how you can help children and young people going through bereavement, check out Independent Thinking on Loss, a resource, based on the lived experience of Ian Gilbert and his three children, that has helped hundreds of schools all around the world. [ITL]